Faltering

I feel my mind faltering. It's telling me that I want a pack of cigarettes. It's telling me I need a pack of cigarettes. It's telling me that I can smoke only one. I can control this habit. I can control it. Try those new cigarettes! The ones without no additives (American Spirits)! Don't you want to taste them?

It's like a jackhammer tripping away at my mind. I am weak and am getting weaker and my mind is a flurry and I can't concentrate and my mouth is sore from all these suckers. And I can smell again! My sense of smell is returning ever so slightly. I'm smelling the smoke on others again. I smelt a cigarette from like a 100 yards away. I smell lunches.

My breathing seems clearer. I'm remembering what I've been through the past two days and I don't want to face that again. I've done that far too many times to turn around now. Do I want to go through this again? And hell, the whole reason I did this was for lent, and why give up on the first damn day? lol

This is hard. This is very very hard.