Day 2 Jitters

Wow, like clockwork here are the excuses running in my mind.

A lack of nicotine is suddenly sending off bells and whistles. A lack of habit is saying "WTF are you doing to me?"

Never fails on the 2nd day, right about noon that this happens. Every single time. And every single time I give in to it.

So what are some of the things my mind tells me? It tells me that I'll never be able to smoke a cigarette again. And that depresses me. That frustrates me. My little crutch is gone. I can't run and grab a smoke when I am angry??? I have to find a new way to cope with nerves and stress? How will I do that? How will I ease these nerves. My skin is itching..this is not good.

And these fucking suckers SUCK. Ok, I'm tired of the damned suckers. I'm almost through the bag I bought yesterday.

But I can't believe the way my mind works when I try to quit. It's so crazy that my mind keeps telling me all these lies to get me to grab a cigarette. But in the back of my head, getting squeezed away by these lies, is the memory of how disgusting my last one was and how disgusting my first one would be. The memory of how I am doing this so that I can breathe again. So that my teeth don't permanently stain yellow. So that I can run and job and not get winded. I want to replace cigarettes with an addiction to running.

Here come the excuses...the itch. Here come 50,000 reasons why I need to go buy a pack of cigarettes. My mind was ok for eeking out a day without a cigarette. Now the addiction is wondering what the hell is up. What the heck are you doing buddy? It's been 36 hours since you had a cigarette.

I'll tell you what, I'll just flood your mind....I'll hammer you to the point of desperation. You'll pick one up. I know you will. Because you are weak. Because you've never truly beaten me. You've never truly beaten me.

Gah....