I am not Broken (Part 2)

***When you're finished with that, write down what "emotionally available" looks like to you. ***

This is the first blog post I'm going to make with my eyes closed. Right now I'm closing my eyes and imagining what emotionally available looks like...

Emotionally available is:

someone who can understand the time i need with my kids, and work around it and still be happy

someone who lives within an hour of me

someone who may have a similar past as me, but has taken it and used it to change for the better
someone who can give me a true, honest compliment without intentionally trying to stroke my ego

someone who doesn't play mind games for manipulative or deceitful purposes

someone who is open and honest, who doesn't hold back secrets because they are scared of how it may make me feel

someone who can be faithful to me, and is not tempted by what else is out there

someone who doesn't push me to change, but challenges me to be a better man just by being a being a better woman

*opens eyes*

Hope there's no typos because I'm not re-reading that until I hit submit. I can't remember what I typed, it was basically a stream of consciousness typing. So I can't wait to read it.

Anyway, I had a realization through this writing challenge. I've compared myself to Humpty Dumpty...having a great fall and shattering into pieces. Bruised and broken and beat down. That's how I've discribed myself for a LONG time now.

Then it hit me. I'm not broken. That implies that there is something unfixable about me. That I am hopeless and helpless and a lost case. And that's not true. Everything that I work to improve, is somethign that can be fixed. By telling myself I am broken, I set up an impossible trap with which to get out of. I'm creating impossible odds. A pink unicorn to chase. Something to keep me busy doing nothing.

Here is my resolve:

1. I take full responsibility for my life and the things that have happened to me. If something is terribly wrong with me, it's because I allow it to be.

2. I may not be able to stop terrible things from happening to me, but I can stop them from ruining my life.

3. Failure is not something to be feared, it's something to be embraced.

4. The ugly stuff is just as important as the pretty stuff.

5. Inspiration comes from action, not words.

6. I am broke because I want to be. If I didn't want to be broke, I wouldn't be broke. I may never be rich, but it is within my power to make the sacrifices I need to make to live comfortably.

7. The pain of losing someone is much easier to deal with than the pain of never having them at all.

8. Loneliness is just a word. Alone is not bad. Alone is only bad when I use it as an excuse to avoid doing the things I want to do.

9. Whining about life will never change anything about my life. I can only change things about my life by taking some sort of action.

10. I do not have to be perfect. I do not always have to be improving my life. It's ok to relax.

11. No more big resolves. No more outlandish goals. Just action. Sometime's I'll do and be busy, and other times I'll relax and just be. I'll make no excuses or apology for either.

12. All other points above are bullshit.

Hahaha....